There have been many times in my life where I have been overwhelmed by the waves. The tide was coming in fast and furious and I was overcome. I wasn't expecting those waves. My back was turned. I wasn't paying attention. The tide came in too fast. I wasn't ready and I was left feeling like I was about to drown. I could't find my feet beneath me. I had a hard time getting my head above water and was left gasping for air, catching a breath here and there in the midst of the torrent washing over me. At the beginning I even tried crying for help but my efforts were futile and eventually I just stopped calling, thinking this was something I needed to fight on my own. I felt like the barrage would never end but it did, just when I thought I was too weary to go on, the storm passed by, the tide went out and I was laying on the beach, beaten down, trying to catch my breath, so, so weary but also grateful I made it through. I may have laid there a long time, not quite believing I could get up, maybe letting my body rest, too tired to get up just yet but eventually finding my legs, standing up and surveying the damage left by the storm.
There have been other times in my life, albeit few and far between, where the waves have come but I was ready for them. I was on my surfboard, paddling out as hard as I could, ready for that big white wave so I could ride it all the way back to shore. I may have fallen off my board but I just got back on and tried again. The thrill of riding the wave outweighed the fear of falling. I felt strong and capable and kept on going.
And then there have been times in my life where I felt like I was just walking on the edge, enjoying the view, breathing in deeply, feeling the salty spray on my cheeks, the wind in my hair maybe, and life was just so peaceful. Even if I was just one step away from being overcome by the waves, maybe carelessing, unknowingly walking close to a riptide, I felt everything was okay. My feet were firmly planted on the sand and even if they got wet, it was okay. I may have even kicked off my shoes and welcomed the icy, cold water, the soft sand between my toes. The beauty of my surroundings, the peaceful feeling washing over me, the sun setting in the distance was such a welcome relief from the barrage I had experienced earlier.
Sometimes I go back and forth between feeling these things daily. Life is hard and good and happy and sad and messy and exhausting and peaceful. I'm learning to accept the waves as they come, to take it all in stride and know that no matter what it won't last forever and that's part of the beauty and mystery of life.
Can you relate? Have you ever found yourself in one of these places? Where do you feel you are right now?
